This is My Reckoning: Felicity's Story
by xxSnow Whitexx
Summary: Before Felicity tasted the succulence of power. Before she transferred her childhood trauma into anger. This is the twisted, yet passionate tale of Fee at her most vulnerable, as a victim. This is her reckoning. Her first impression of Spence.


******FIRST IMPRESSION- FELICITY'S STORY:**

The luminous gleam of the sun's setting rays, so rich in color- with red, purple, pink, yellow, and orange cascading beneath the fringe of clouds- yet so vibrant in contrast to the darkening castle that I would now call home- blinds me. Blinds me so, that I cannot bear to glimpse at the compassionate glow of the light, reaching out to comfort me, hold me, and beckon me in. It is so foreign. A dazzling stranger welcoming me with radiant, open arms, that transcend above the tower walls, beyond the murky fortress silhouette, and into the glaring eyes of the enchanting gargoyles, carefully splintering into the obscurity that engulfs me. And deep down, inside, I feel a starving animal, withering and twisting with raging madness, within my chest. It is a craving. Of change. Of lust. Desire. Power. Here I am. With my destiny capable of altering at the control of my fingertips.

It is a complete paradox- entering this shadow of the fortress they call "Spence"- yet this simple, yet fragile brightness shatters the darkness that smothers me.

_"...hope."_ It whispers softly. Hope. Where the only thing I can see- the only thing I have ever been able to see- is- nothing. But lovely suffocation.

And all this- this tender, idyllic sensation, instantaneously disappears- like vapor, like a heart pounding evanescence- ripping me from my blissful reverie, the moment I see _him_.

Suddenly, I am delightfully frightened, and all my conscience is pulled into this towering black hole of gentle abyss. My loving father has come to bid be farewell! I saunter towards him- maybe this time- a time that signifies our parting- a time so precious that it freezes in moment- maybe _now_- he will reach out and greet me. Hold me. Hug me. Love me. Want me. Like he did always. Always. Before.

Before.

Before a time when my mother interfered. And crumbled my world. My Euphoria. My Ecstasy. Bringing along with her, my muffled joy, to a screeching halt.

Before a time where at least I could wallow in my fantasies. That would never be.

Before a time the hungered nightmare would feast upon my reality. My day. My romantic void.

But he didn't.

He doesn't. Greet me. Touch me. Embrace me. Want me. He sees right through me. I am invisible. Nothing to him. But an obstacle. A withering daughter too old to satisfy her only father. I touch the staggering pulse of my neck mechanically, and I can still _feel_ it. The stinging blemish of a kiss he had planted. Just yesterday.

No. No.

Days ago.

Or was it weeks.

Oh, yet how I long for it! It burns! His touch gashes through my skin and into my bone- seeping through my veins and into my blood- while dripping- dripping, dripping, ever so softly- through my punctured heart. My heart, left penetrated. Sucked. Rejected. My heart that yearns for him. I want him. I _need_ him. Aw, how I want to scream! To cry out to him! Please, please, Papa, don't leave me!

But he doesn't love me.

Not today. Not ever.

And instantaneously. She sweeps in. And breaks my reverie.

"Come along, my Felicity", coos my mother. She smiles at me- yet the warmth does not reach her eyes. I stare callously into that questioning glare.

Yet I asked her to. I asked her to. I am branded by the throbbing pain of regret. It churns in my stomach. It writhes in agony. It shrieks in terror. It spits at me: _"You stupid, insignificant, worthless little girl! This is all YOUR fault! If only you stayed behind, he would have loved you again!"_

But the guilt I impose on myself is not my fault. Not mine at all.

IT IS _HER_ FAULT. Her fault for giving in now, when she ignored me all those years before! WHY DID SHE LISTEN NOW? WHY DID SHE GIVE IN? Why did she take away the one person who mattered to me most? The only person who mattered more than _her_- more than _myself_?!!!

"Come now, Fee! It will be exciting. Think of this as your next great adventure. Who knows what sorts of friends you'll make! This is your reckoning, darling. Make your mummy proud!"

I stare at my father. He does not look at me. So I glance at my pleading mother- beckoning me with her open arms. This is goodbye. But I make no attempt at embrace. And so she does what she does best. She forfeits. And glances at my direction, her face full of pity, then suddenly gazing ahead. Leading me to my destiny.

And I follow.


End file.
